Today officially marks my one year of working at Madant Productions. And boy, oh boy, has it been a whirlwind of endless work. It has been a challenging one year experience for me especially coming fresh out of uni and having only so much knowledge of what this industry is like. And within this one year, I did learn a lot on what the media and event industry is like here in New Zealand.
Truthfully though, I've been feeling exhausted. Like really exhausted. I'm not sure if it's due to the nature of this industry that I'm in or if it's because I feel like the company I'm working in is extremely under resourced. While it was fun for me to try out different roles within this company, it does get overwhelming when some days, I feel like I have to juggle a million things at once. And me being me, I'm the type that needs to finish a task given to me before the day ends otherwise, my mind will continue to work on it even while I try to sleep. It's nights like these I'm glad that I have my bottle of precious melatonin to force me to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie that work is also starting to affect my personal life. On weekends, I get a little anxious whenever my email notification goes off. And on weeks when we have projects due, I get work related phone calls. On average, I leave work between 6pm or 7pm which doesn't sound like much but if you compile those hours in a week, I'd say I'm clocking in an additional of 10 - 15 extra hours each week? And no, I don't get overtime pay or time in lieu unless it's on a non working day. Sure, I might get the 'valuable' experience being exposed to various aspect of work but in reality, it's not really paying off my bills. I'm still getting the same pay check every fortnightly. I find myself coming home after work each day mentally drained and feeling pretty depressed. I even spent more hours being at work than celebrating my 26th birthday.
Calla say I might be having a burnout. Maybe I am. I mean it has been a full year for me without any breaks (besides Christmas). I wake up each day thinking about my finances, wondering if my family back home are doing okay, worrying about what my future holds, unsure of what my career path is. I question myself daily if it was worth spending a chunk of my family finances getting this degree only to get this far, though I keep reminding myself that it has just only been a year so far too.
I definitely feel like I've lost that spark for life that I once had. Is this what it's like to be a working man? Or do I need to 'man up' as some would say? Is this all part of growing up?
Or maybe, I need a new change.